Chaos!
by Kilala81
Summary: What do you get when you have two bathing women, an angry TaiYoukai, a perverted monk, a flustered hanyou and a ‘sit’ spell gone horribly wrong? Chaos…complete and utter Chaos. ONESHOT


**Author's Note: First this is just a satire/humor fic that is nothing more than random events that lead to chaos in the feudal era. While I try to keep everyone in character this IS just a humor fic. Don't try to make too much sense of it. Things like Kagome's "new and improved" sit spell aren't something "canon" just her priestess powers reacting to her frustration.**

**Second, there are dividers when the point of view changes, thought he sequence of events is still the same. Just helps make it a lil less confusing.**

* * *

**_Chaos!_**

"Oh no…no, no, no, no, no! You can't go back. He's waiting on the other side of the well, Kagome! You know he is! He's going to kill you. No, he won't just kill you; he's going to take great pleasure in killing you. He might even revive you and enjoy it a second time!" The school girl stood staring down into the well inside her well house, giving herself a pep talk. Well, at least the closest thing to a pep talk she could muster.

"But, I have to go back. I can't just stay here. We've got to find the rest of the jewel shards and stop Naraku." The conflicting girl stood talking to herself, trying to decide on a course of action. Stay in her own era, make a miraculous recovery from her illnesses, finish school, marry Hojo and live an utterly tedious life. Or return the feudal era and no doubt die within seconds of her arrival. Neither choice was particularly appealing to her.

"Well…at least Sesshoumaru would kill me quickly," She reasoned and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "I mean, he can't be THAT mad at me, it was an accident! How was I supposed to know that was going to happen?"

Her arguments were cut short by the very confused voice of her brother.

"Uh, Kagome? Who are you talking to?" Souta looked around the well house then back to his sister, whose sanity he was very quickly beginning to question.

"You do know there's no one here, don't you?"

"Of course I know there's no one in here! Do you think I'm stupid or something? I was talking to myself."

The young boy nodded and looked around again; just to be sure InuYasha wasn't hiding somewhere then looked back to his sister.

"Well, don't let gramps hear you or he'll get the sutras out." Kagome sighed and nodded. The last thing she needed right now was her grandfather chasing her around trying to exorcise a demon out of her.

"Yeah, you're probably right." She looked down the well again then back at her little brother who was about to leave the well house.

"Hey, Souta, could I talk to you?" The young boy turned and looked at his sister a little surprised then nodded.

"Sure, sis, what do you want to talk about?"

Kagome looked at her brother and then sighed. "I'm not entirely sure I can go back to the feudal era…" Normally, Kagome wouldn't talk to her brother about problems involving the other side of the well. But right now she really was nervous and her family was really her only option.

Souta's eyes instantly went a little wider. "Can't go back? Why not?" Now she had his attention. The boy quickly made his way back down to the well and sat on the side of it and watched as his sister did the same.

"Well, let's just say I had an accident. An accident that involved someone that, well, doesn't like accidents." Souta nodded slowly, having no clue what his sister was talking about.

"It happened three days ago, just before I came home…"

* * *

_Flashback_

"It's a very warm day, InuYasha; perhaps we could stop for a short rest?" Miroku inquired.

Actually, he wasn't tired at all. But it was still daylight and he had overheard Sango and Kagome talking that morning before they left the village and knew they wanted to bathe. The group had passed a lake less than ten minutes ago and knew if he could convince the half demon to stop now, there was a good chance he might get to "happen upon" the girls in good lighting.

InuYasha turned to the others then shrugged. There wasn't any sign of jewel shards nearby and Kagome sat him less often when she was well rested. No reason they shouldn't take a break.

Miroku smiled slightly and let his thoughts wonder back into the realm of impurity. It wasn't that he didn't respect Sango and Kagome; merely that he was a man that appreciated beauty. And what could possibly be more beautiful than a woman such as Sango in her most natural state of undress? The monk let a slight lecherous grin form on his face subconsciously.

_'Why, two women in their most natural state of undress, of course.'_ He mentally answered, while allowing himself to reminisce about past encounters with his female companions.

"Gosh, Miroku, are you ok?" Shippo's concerned voice snapped Miroku back into reality.

"Yes, Shippo, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

InuYasha smirked. "You've been standin' there with a stupid look on your face for the last five minutes, that's why."

The monk felt heat rise into his face. Had he really been standing there daydreaming that long?

"I was merely contemplating the meaning of life, InuYasha, something a monk such as myself, needs to do on occasion."

The half demon rolled his eyes. "Well, you can keep contemplatin' cuz you're not going anywhere near the lake."

"InuYasha, I'm hurt. Surely you don't believe I would consider invading the privacy of our lovely companions while they bathe?"

"Feh, I don't care much about their privacy," he scoffed. "I just don't want you puttin' Kagome into a bad mood. I ain't been sat for almost three days, and I wanna keep it that way."

Miroku gave a relenting sigh. There was no suave way to go about this now. He would merely have to wait for another opportune moment.

_'Perhaps a demon will attack the girls and they will need rescued_.' He mused to himself. Not that he wanted either of them to be hurt. But if they were attacked while bathing, not only would Miroku get a nice view of his companions but they would be grateful at the same time. What more could he possibly ask for?

* * *

Sesshoumaru slowed as he picked up his brother's scent._ 'InuYasha is near._' The very name 'InuYasha' sent a surge of fury through the demon lord. Mere hours before he had confronted a pathetic cat demon. To his utter shock and disgust the demon did not fear him. He didn't even show proper respect. The lowly creature had shown arrogance and even dared to challenge Sesshoumaru. 

"Why should I fear the likes of you?" The demon had scoffed at him. "A half breed was able to take your arm!" The demon's laughter still played in Sesshoumaru's mind. It hadn't lasted long, of course. Sesshoumaru had wasted no time liberating the demon's head of the rest of his body before turning to his imp.

"Jaken, you remain with Rin." Without further explanation the demon lord sought out his brother. InuYasha would suffer greatly for this indignity.

His eyes narrowed as he began to descend upon the ground. The filthy stench of his brother was all over the area. Not to mention the human companions he kept.

_'So pathetic, InuYasha, consorting with humans; though such loathsome creatures suit you.'_

The demon lord landed silently, gracefully; as was to be expected by one such as him. He knew InuYasha was very near as where his comrades. Sesshoumaru began walking in the direction of his brother when he was nearly deafened by a blood curdling scream.

"MIROKU! I know that's you!"

Without any further warning some sort of…bottle…yes, an odd looking bottle, made contact with the demon lord's armor. He cocked and eyebrow slightly as he gazed down at the thing. It was made of a soft material, clearly not something that could harm him. He seriously doubted such an object could even bring harm to a human. When he looked up again he realized that he was just upon a lake. He had been so busy focusing on his brother's scent that he hadn't paid attention to the two human females bathing.

No, it had nothing to do with him not paying attention. Sesshoumaru didn't make such mistakes. He merely didn't care enough for these creatures to bother with them.

He moved slightly, unwilling to retreat and admit his mistake and was nearly deafened when the younger female let out another loud scream.

"PERVERT!"

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes slightly at them both. The demon exterminator had moved further into the water. He watched her closely very aware of her intentions.

"That would not be wise," he said as she got nearer her weapon that was resting against a rock.

"What are you doing here, Sesshoumaru?" The young one questioned, now sounding more indignant that afraid. This sent another wave of anger through him. Even this young human did not fear him. Before he could answer he heard rustling coming from the trees following by his brother's voice.

"KAGOME!"

"INUYASHA!"

"Miroku…!" Sesshoumaru was again watching the demon exterminator almost as closely as she was watching the monk that had just burst through the trees. The amount of warning she put into that simple name nearly left the demon lord impressed.

"SESSHOUMARU!" His attention was turned back to his younger brother who was now nearly seething.

The demon lord nearly let out a sigh at the antics he had just experienced.

"Such an articulate display," he said as he gave an arrogant smirk.

"Who asked you?" InuYasha growled as he flexed his claws menacingly.

"Uh…hello…we're still here!" Both Sesshoumaru and InuYasha's attention was drawn back to the lake when Kagome spoke up.

_'Damnit, I've gotta get Sesshoumaru away from here,_' the half demon realized before lunging at his older brother.

_'Rash as always,_' Sesshoumaru mused as he dodged the attack.

* * *

Miroku watched as the brothers began their near routine fighting. Sesshoumaru mostly using his whip while InuYasha didn't yet feel the need to unsheathe the Tetsusaiga. 

_'This doesn't appear to be too dire. Neither has bothered to brandish their weapon_,' he thought as he gazed back over towards Sango and Kagome. Now would be that opportune moment he was looking for. The monk slyly made his way towards the lake. Kagome was too busy watching InuYasha, while Sango was keeping a close eye on the fight and keeping her weapon near should she need to offer the half demon her assistance.

He waited silently for the perfect distraction. Apparently Buddha was smiling down on him today because it came mere seconds later. Sesshoumaru nearly clipped InuYasha with the whip, causing the half demon to leap backwards onto a slippery rock. The monk almost let out a chuckle as the half demon's arms began to flail wildly, attempting to regain his balance before losing it altogether and landing with an undignified splash no more than five feet from Kagome.

"INUYASHA! GET OUT OF HERE!" She squealed, now hurling her conditioner bottle at him. She looked around desperately for something else to throw, if only she hadn't thrown the shampoo bottle when she suspected Miroku had been peeping.

"Ya wanna watch what your doin'?" The soaking half demon growled at her after jumping from the lake.

* * *

Sesshoumaru stood silently taking in the entire scene. Two bathing human females, his brother soaked and yelling like an idiot, the monk apparently planning to do something with the females' clothing. He would almost be doing them a favor by killing them all right now. 

"You'll bathe with that female but you won't mate her?" Sesshoumaru smirked slightly. "Or perhaps you simply do not know how, little brother," the demon Lord taunted in his stoic way.

The half demon turned nearly as red as his hoari before lunging at his brother again. Be damned if he was going to let Sesshoumaru say something like that about him.

* * *

The monk shook his head slightly. Kagome was now almost as red as InuYasha and Sango was again watching them fight. Perfect distraction, right? Wrong… 

The second he grabbed for the clothes his attention was drawn back to the lake. Kagome stood up and began shouting. Not that he minded the view, of course. But the last thing he needed right now was a distraction of his own.

* * *

Kagome was watching the battle in near horror. She and Sango were virtually incapacitated and Sesshoumaru and InuYasha showed no intentions of stopping anytime soon. Something near the lake caught the half demon's attention and Sesshoumaru gave an evil smirk before releasing his whip again. Without thought Kagome jumped up from the water, leaving herself in full view. 

"INUYASHA! WATCH OUT!" InuYasha's eyes scanned her body and widened before a blush settled onto his cheeks. The out burst drew Sesshoumaru's attention too, just enough to let his brother leap out of the way again.

Kagome's skin paled before having blood flood to her cheeks and about every other possible skin that was in plain view, before she dropped back into the water, hiding herself.

* * *

Sango had watched the entire thing and turned to see what had caught InuYasha's attention. Her eyes widened then narrowed as she saw the monk reaching for their clothes. 

"MIROKU!" The demon exterminator moved towards her Hiraikotsu, fully intending to beat him unconscious with it.

"Sango, I'm merely going to see that they are kept safe until you are able to get out and put them back on," the monk said as he scooped them up and took off. He knew that if he stayed he would no doubt be beaten into oblivion.

Kagome heard Sango's shouting and turned in time to see Miroku running off with their clothes then looked back to see InuYasha and Sesshoumaru still fighting endlessly. She felt her frustration mounting along with a strange tingling inside of her.

"InuY-….Sesshoum-…grrrr…MIROKU!" She stumbled over all the names unable to find the one she was actually looking for.

"SIT!" She finally shouted mostly out of pure instinct.

Silence. Nothing but pure silence followed. Kagome's hands were tightly clasped over her mouth, eyes widen in near horror. _'What…did…I…do?_'

She and Sango watched as InuYasha crashed to the ground, followed by Sesshoumaru who went down more gracefully but went down none the less. He was practically kneeling, as if there was some magical hold upon him. Sango turned and looked over her shoulder to see the monk lying on the ground, clothes strewn about him. Apparently, the sit had affected them all.

"Kagome?" She looked at the girl almost terrified to move. She knew that Sesshoumaru would not be happy about what had just occurred. "What did you do?"

"I don't know," the girl nearly whispered and inched back towards her friend. One thing she did know was they needed to get dressed before the spell wore off. She quickly scanned the shore and let out a sigh of relief seeing Shippo and Kirara not far away.

"Shippo! Get our clothes from Miroku!"

The fox cub nodded and puffed out his little chest as if he had just been given the most important task in the world.

The little kit shook his head at the monk while gathering the clothes up.

"Something tells me you're in a lot of trouble, Miroku," he said then scuttled towards the lake laden with clothes.

* * *

The girls made their way to the shore, never taking their eyes off of Sesshoumaru. The demon lord was remaining eerily silent and both knew very there was very little possibility of this ending well. 

"Kagome, you're spell is starting to wear off," Sango said nervously when she saw both InuYasha and Sesshoumaru beginning to move. She grabbed her clothes and reached for her Hiraikotsu knowing that she'd probably need it, if the demon's spell wore off even seconds before InuYasha's.

Kagome nodded and grabbed her clothes quickly starting to pull them on. '_Great Kagome, just great. Only you could possibly do something so stupid. How could you sit Sesshoumaru?_' She pondered to herself.

'_Hey wait a minute! He shouldn't have been watching us bathe anyway! That…that…'_

"PERVERT!" She shouted again and stepped a little closer to the demon lord.

"SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT!" She yelled without much thought to later consequences. Oh, how she should have given thought to consequences.

InuYasha's face crashed back into the ground, while whatever magical hold was upon Sesshoumaru tightened, keeping him nearly motionless. Kagome might have found this humorous, the great Lord Sesshoumaru practically bowing down to her, if her sanity hadn't snuck back in a few seconds too late.

'_Oh my God…I'm dead. I can't keep doing this forever! Eventually he's going to get up. Oh God...'

* * *

_

"You wanna stop doin' that?" InuYasha growled out once he dislodged his face from the ground enough to take a breath.

'_Wait a minute…pervert? Kagome knows I wouldn't watch her bathe, why would she call me a pervert?'_ The clueless half demon wondered silently.

'_Why would she sit me for something Miroku did? Or did she mean Sesshoumaru? Sesshoumaru! Where is he?'_

Suddenly his lack of being, well, dead hit him. No, Sesshoumaru wouldn't kill him while he was subjugated. He would just stand there taunting him with his stoic, yet sarcastic rhetoric until he could move again. Then he would kill him.

'_Hmpf… or at least he'd try,'_ the half demon scoffed inwardly while attempting to move. He could hear both girls scurrying to get their clothes on now, and Shippo talking to Miroku, but still couldn't figure out where his brother went. Finally he felt his spell wearing off and looked up to meet a set of deep crimson eyes not more than three feet from him.

"What the hell-" InuYasha didn't have a chance to finish his thoughts. Almost instantly his brother was gone from that spot.

"Kagome!" Immediately the half demon was in pursuit. Whatever Kagome had done, it had seriously pissed his brother off.

"SIT!"

InuYasha's eyes widened as he looked down at the ground from mid leap. _'Oh…shit!_' were the last words that played through his mind as his beads became like lead weights around his neck, sending him plummeting to the ground at an alarming rate.

"God Damnit, Kagome! Stop doin' that!"

* * *

"Sorry, InuYasha!" She shouted over her shoulder. Her only thoughts were the well. Gotta get to the well. She knew Sesshoumaru was going to kill her, if he could ever catch her of course. The fact that she still had all three under her command left her a slight bit of hope that she might survive this ordeal. 

Sango was with Miroku. Kagome knew it that it was less to keep him safe and more to beat the living day lights out of him when the spell wore off, but regardless, Sango could hold her own when Sesshoumaru got free.

The girl ran until she was nearly breathless, her lungs burning and her legs nearly numb from the force of it.

'_The well isn't much further,' _she was glad now that the group had just started off from Kaede's village and this incident hadn't happened anywhere else.

'_Yeah, that would have been great,'_ she mused sarcastically while she pictured her sitting the guys repeatedly until she could get back to the well from some other location. Her thoughts were abruptly halted when she felt a breeze brush past her and quickly following a less than pleased Sesshoumaru materialized directly in front of her.

That nasty little S-word was about to be uttered again but she quickly chose to hold her tongue. She was about to die, no doubt about it. The look on his face told her so. But the fact that he had yet to strike her also said he wanted something more.

Sesshoumaru stood contemplating the human. As much as he'd love to make her suffer a slow and very painful death, he also wished to know how it was she held control over him and if there were any others that could do the same.

"If you value your pathetic life you'll not speak until I have finished," the girl instantly opened her mouth to reply and was rewarded with a slight lifting of the demon lord's eyebrow.

Was he testing her? If she answered, would he kill her? Well, she wasn't stupid enough to try it; so she quickly shut her mouth and nodded instead.

'_So, your human is smarter than you, InuYasha. I'm not entirely surprised_,' he thought to himself while studying her.

"What is this spell you have placed upon me?" He studied her closely. No demon, let alone a human, had ever been able to subdue him in such a way. He found himself intrigued by it. Intrigued and infuriated. He would kill her but only after he learned what had caused such a thing.

Kagome stood there silently. He had asked her a question, so she was sure she was supposed to answer him now. She kept waiting for InuYasha to appear and save her.

_'Where is he?'_

"If you're waiting for my brother, he won't be joining us. At least not yet," the demon lord smirked slightly.

"It would appear that your spell holds him and the monk longer than it does a demon such as myself," he had been able to move much more quickly after her last 'sit' and found it rather amusing to see his brother face down on the ground when he left to find her.

'_Great, now what?'_ Even with a weapon she knew there was no way to defend herself against Sesshoumaru. She tentatively began speaking, very aware of his attentiveness. He was prepared to strike her if she even thought about thinking the word 'sit'.

"Well…uh…you see the thing is…SIT!"

Again Sesshoumaru was pulled to the ground in front of her, almost kneeling in a manner that would suggest he had great respect for her. Of course, that was clearly not the case. Again he went eerily silent but she could see his hands flexing, no doubt prepared to strike her the second he could move again.

"Oh God! I'm really sorry! It was just an accident! I don't know what happened," she began as she stepped around him prepared to run for her life.

"Uh…I'll make it up to you?" '_Wow, Kagome…that's the dumbest thing you've ever said. No, scratch that…that was like, the dumbest thing anyone has ever said…ever. In the entire history of…'_

"Oh God…Sit!" Her eyes widened and she became flustered as the spell was already starting to wear off.

'_Get going, stupid!'_

"Uh…bye." '_Wow, it just keeps getting better_.'

Finally, ending her mental argument with herself she found her legs again and shot off towards the well.

"Sit, Sit, Sit, Sit, Sit, Sit, Sit, Sit, Sit!" _'If I just keep yelling that, he can't catch me, right?'_

Less than a moment later she heard someone behind her and instantly prepared for death.

"SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT!" _'Please don't tell me the spell wore off! What did I ever do to you anyway?' _Her mental argument began anew, though this time it was more aimed at some supernatural deity that might be listening in.

"Kagome!"

"Sango?" Kagome stopped abruptly and saw her friend land with Kirara.

"Come on! Let's get out of here," the demon exterminator knew where Kagome was headed and also knew that Sesshoumaru would be in pursuit very quickly. The school girl wasted no time climbing onto the cat demon and was whisked off to her well and to safety.

* * *

_Back to where we started_

"So, you used a spell on InuYasha, his brother and some monk?" Souta asked while giving her a 'what the hell were you thinking' look.

"Not on purpose!"

The young boy stood and shook his head. "Better not go back anytime soon, Sis. But if you do, can I have your stereo?"

"You wanna see if that spell will work on you, too?"

"Eh, gotta go!" The young boy ran from the well house before she had a chance to make him a permanent fixture in it.

Kagome gave a heavy sigh and looked into the well again before walking towards the door. She would need to give it more time. InuYasha was irritable after a sitting; she could only imagine what Sesshoumaru would be like. As she began to slide the door open she heard a noise behind her. Her first thought was InuYasha. Had he come to check on her?

The sight she turned to, however, made her blood run cold.

"Sesshoumaru?" 'How is that possible? Idiot! Don't just stand here!'

"SIT!"

She heard a growl followed by a crash and loud cursing from InuYasha. Apparently the half demon was chasing his brother who had figured out about the well. She didn't wait around to find out if she had sat them back to the other side or not. She just took off running.

'_Oh great, maybe I should just slap one of gramp's sutras on the well, that should keep them out,_' she thought as she mentally rolled her eyes.

_'Just keep running Kagome! They're only dog demons, with amazing speed and sense of smell…they'll never catch you.' _Again she realized her sarcastic thoughts weren't doing her a whole lot of good and she gave a heavy sigh.

_'I'm so dead…' _

**The End?**

* * *

**Author's Note: Ok…kinda a cliffie. What happeneds? Well, that's up to you. Use your imaginations. Was InuYasha impaled by the Tokijin when they were sat? Did Miroku even survive the sitting (or rather Sango's wrath)? Will Sesshoumaru transform and become a modern day Godzilla in Tokyo? Who knows? It was a one shot that has no real ending. Why? Because I'm tired, bored and don't wanna think of one.**

**Ok, I've gotten TONS of review and e-mails asking me to add more to this story. For now, it will remain as is. I cannot think of a way to possibly end the story that does not involve character death (Sesshoumaru killing Kagome) or me killing a character's personality (i.e. Sesshoumaru suddenly deciding he has no pride and lets her get away with sitting him)**

**Part of the story was the fact that you just don't KNOW the ending. Not every story has to have a definite conclusion. It's part of the chaos of the story. Sorry, to the people that cannot live without closure of a story, but this really is just satire** **and I leave it open to your vast imaginations.**


End file.
